Friday, October 7, 2011

Roast: Shake Weight Edition

This post begins Will to Perform's Friday Roast Series! We begin with the easiest product we could think of... Shake Weight.

(These two were made for each other)

Claims of the Shake Weight®

“Shake Weight® Utilizes New Workout Technology Called Dynamic Inertia, which can increase Muscle Activity to nearly 300% compared to a Standard Dumbbell.”

Dear Shake Weight: If your “validation research” is legitimate then please publish it! The scientific community would LOVE to see the IRB, methods and raw data from your “study”. Additionally, saying that “a world leader in biomechanics” claimed your product burns five times as many calories as conventional dumbbell workouts is complete quackery. 

Dear Shake Weight: The previously quoted claim indicates a 300% increase in muscle activity compared to dumbbell workouts. The infomercial says “five times as much muscle activity” as conventional workouts. Please at least have the common courtesy to keep your lies consistent!

“Scientifically Proven Results”

Dear Shake Weight: Perhaps you missed the part of science class when they explained what SCIENCE is! Science is not paying a nameless doctor to use your product for a week and swear by its results for the rest of his or her life. Nor is it handing your product to thirty soccer moms and asking them how much it made their arms burn. Peer review is one of the staples of true research. If you don’t allow critics the chance to critique your research it is invalid. 

“Get Incredible Results in Just 6 Minutes a Day”

Dear Shake Weight: If you have been sedentary your entire life this statement might actually be truthful. None the less it’s misleading! Go pick up a 2.5 pound rock and shake it back and forth for six minutes! Not only will you save yourself 19.95 but you will look much cooler shaking a nice chunk of shale or lime stone!

(Dynamic Inertia!!!)

We do need to give Shake Weight credit for one thing. There market share for the Christmas time White Elephant market is second to none. That's all for now.